Non sequitur thread

TG1996 · Post by **TG1996** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 3:28 pm

1....2....3... NOT IT!

VDub26Falcon · Post by **VDub26Falcon** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 3:34 pm

Sham-WOW!!!

1987alum · Post by **1987alum** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 3:41 pm

Can you hear me now?

Flipper · Post by **Flipper** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 3:45 pm

Iolo anti-virus doesn't do a very good job of actually keeping virii off of your computer...

CapitalFalcon · Post by **CapitalFalcon** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 10:51 pm

Folks I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About me
About you
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottoms of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Or maybe below the cockles
Maybe in the sub-cockle area
Maybe in the liver
Maybe in the kidneys
Maybe even in the colon
We don't know

I'm just a regular joe with a regular job
I'm your average white, suburbanite slob
I like football, and porno, and books about war
I've got an average house with a nice hardwood floor
My wife, and my job My kids, and my car
My feet on my table And a Cuban cigar...

But sometimes that just ain't enough
To keep a man like me interested
Oh no, no way, uh uhh
No, I gotta go out and have fun
At someone else's expense
Oh yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow
In the ultra-fast lane
While people behind me are going insane

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets
And I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time sayin', "How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in the handicapped spaces
While handicapped people
Make handicapped faces

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's a real f**king asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singin' this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...

NAAAHHHHH!

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the world's biggest asshole)

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadilac El Dorado Convertable
Hot pink!
With whale skin hub caps
An all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights
YEAH!

And I'm gonna drive around in that baby
At 115 miles per hour
Getting one mile per gallon
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those grease-ball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a Goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why?
'Cause we got the bomb, that's why!
Two words: Nuclear F**kin' Weapons
Okay!?

Russia, Germany, Romania
They can have all the Democracy they want
They can have a big Democracy cake walk
Right through the middle of Tienemen Square
And it won't make a lick of difference
Because we got the bombs
Okay!?

John Wayne's not dead
He's frozen!
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer We're gonna thaw out "The Duke"
And he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why?
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well, multiply that by 15 million times
That's how pissed off The Duke's gonna be
I'm gonna get The Duke
And John Cassavetes
And Lee Marvin
And Sam Peckinpah
And a case of whiskey
And drive down to Texas
And-
(Hey, Hey! You know you really are an asshole)
Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song, pal?

I'm an asshole
(he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(he's the worlds biggest asshole)

A - SS - HO - LE!
Everybody!!
A - SS - HO - LE!

I'm an asshole and proud of it!

BGFan · Post by **BGFan** » Mon Aug 25, 2008 11:05 pm

1987alum · Post by **1987alum** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 8:54 am

Lord_Byron · Post by **Lord_Byron** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 9:16 am

This is one of the best legal parodies I've read:

Coyote v. Acme

CapitalFalcon · Post by **CapitalFalcon** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:28 am

I want to kill the asshole that designed those stupid under-the-desk keyboard holders that no one ever uses...I just cranked my knee so hard on one, I saw stars...Burt Reynolds is still a handsome man.

VDub26Falcon · Post by **VDub26Falcon** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 3:27 pm

Hey camera guy, you followin' me?

Falconfreak90 · Post by **Falconfreak90** » Tue Aug 26, 2008 5:05 pm

This lasts 10 years...this lasts a week. I don't know, it pays for itself.

Post by **ZiggyZoomba** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 6:46 am

Bing Crosby

Rightupinthere · Post by **Rightupinthere** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 7:30 am

1987alum · Post by **1987alum** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 8:43 am

Yeah, that's what everyone says.

Redwingtom · Post by **Redwingtom** » Wed Aug 27, 2008 9:47 am

"You couldn't beat my dingy!"