You did pretty good, but you forgot the part about the lingering, pejorative Civil War era-Democratic belief in festering poop and its benefits for society still lingering today amongst the majority of historians. Had I been a responsible evil historian, I would not have buried information this important in a footnote, so I will take the blame for this one. I have never really claimed to be responsible in anything that I have ever done, though, so I'm not sure that I really care.always a falcon wrote:
So to sum it up for the day. We should be anti- poop, wear pants, though not with poop in them. And OSU and its supporters are full of poop when they crap on our site. How did I do?
My indifference aside, I am doing my best to fight against the Civil War-era Democratic hope for the return of festering poop from the inside, but I am only one evil historian. I can not do it by myself. I give you this valuable information with the attached hope that you will all remain vigilant against the threat that Civil War-era Democratic beliefs in festering poop still pose against our society today, even 139 years after William Bedford Forest began his ultimately successful campaign to silence the Copperheads. Honestly, I don't know what you can do directly to combat this subversive threat, but I tell you this - when you wake up tomorrow morning and visit your commode, say a prayer of thanks for it. If historians considered to not be evil were to have their way, you would no longer have it, and would thus be forced into a life of festering poop either in your pants, or on your front porch (whichever you prefer).
Most people don't know how lucky they are. Now you do. And knowing is half the battle.*
* - What G.I. Joe never told you was that the other half of the battle was defeating those who still hold Civil War-era Democratic beliefs - and Canadians. I realize that the following knowledge will not be easy for any of you to comprehend because, thanks to G.I. Joe and the seemingly positive message that he espoused, all of us have grown up dreaming of dominating the world that evil cyborgs and those humans that would control them would have us beholden to, but I implore you to read on. G.I. Joe was, in fact, the reincarnation of George McClellan, and his sole purpose in second-life was to brainwash society into believing that festering poop was the only way humanity could achieve utopia. Though this knowledge was bestowed upon me early in my youth, I refused to believe it until my uncle, who was a Buddhist convert from Protestantism convinced me (mostly through methods strictly forbidden by the United Nations) that reincarnate souls always fulfill the same mission, no matter what bodily form they inhabit in subsequent lives. G.I. Joe, however, was a corrupted reincarnate soul. G.I. Joe rebelled against his McClellitonian convictions, at least superficially, and tried to distract his audience from his true, subconsciousl goals - which were, of course, to convince humans to destroy their toilets and return to the practice of pooping in their pants as humans had done happily prior to the Civil War. The destruction of Canadians was also a part of G.I. Joe's wicked plan because, again subconsciously, G.I. Joe remembered the fact that Canadians were strongly opposed to festering poop. Canadians were staunchly opposed to festering poop in 1864 not because they were anti-American (indeed, it was not until 1866 that the first real attempts were made by Civil War-era Democrats to annex Canada), but becaue festering poop in Canada for 11 months out of the year freezes, attracts moose and invariably proceeds to make them angry and cravenous for Canadian souls. Inherently knowing this because of his McClellitonian soul, G.I. Joe attempted to convince the youth of the United States that they should pick up their BB-guns and soft-plastic dart guns and rally against the great be-furred, largely French and Scottish north. G.I. Joe attempted to accomplish this objective by coloring the lasers of the evil forces in his cartoon red - which any educated person will immediately recognize as the very same color as the maple leaf which adorns the modern Canadian flag. Incidentally, in ancient times this same symbol indicated the need to kill the innocent amongst several prominent early civilizations, including the Summarians. This is why the children of parents who held Civil War-era Democratic beliefs (most of them historians) were forced to watch Mr. Wizard instead of G.I. Joe,.
