Florida's big dilemma

hammb · Post by **hammb** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 10:07 pm

This cracked me up!

Florida President unsure of what to do with Ohio State

By VERN JACKSON
Gainesville Sun Staff Writer

April 4, 2007

GAINESVILLE – In the wake of Florida's unprecedented dual championship victories over Ohio State, the University finds itself with a unique and somewhat perplexing problem.

What to do with Ohio State now that Florida owns it.

According to little known and never before used "Clause 121" of the NCAA charter, when a University defeats another member University for two consecutive national championship games by "convincing margins", the defeated University becomes the sole property of the victor.

University of Florida President J. Bernard "Bernie" Machen readily admits that he was unaware of "Clause 121", and is unsure of what to do with Ohio State. "They have, what is it, over 54,000 students? Plus, it's in Columbus, Ohio. It is very inconvenient."

The University of Florida Board of Trustees is holding an emergency meeting this Friday to deal with the unprecedented situation. According to sources on the Board, initial ideas include –

Sell It – The easiest move the Board might make is simply to sell Ohio State. However, due to the University's size, and its location in the relatively depressed real estate market of central Ohio, it may be difficult to find a willing buyer. "We are looking into this option," Machen says. "We have contacted the Solid Waste Authority of Central Ohio to see if they need more land."

Keep It – This option has several difficulties, but may be the only one if Florida is unable to get a buyer for fair market value. Primary among the difficulties is the large student body population of Ohio State. However, sources on the Board did say since OSU's student population is near Florida's 50,000, there may be a situation where Ohio State students could be lent to Florida students on a semester by semester basis as personal valets.

Florida junior Kevin Young thinks the valet idea is just swell. "Everyone should have their own pet Buckeye," said Young. "It would be like having your own personal fraternity pledge. I think the idea rocks!"

Were Florida to keep Ohio State, issues of whether to allow OSU to keep their current team name and mascot, as well as whether to allow them to continue to play in the Big Ten, would have to be resolved. Says Machen, "I think we could reach some sort agreement that would allow them to keep Brutus Buckeye and play in the Big 10. After all, what would we do – move them to the SEC? They would only get hurt. Since they are our wards now, we could never allow that."

The prospect also exists that Florida would have dissolve Ohio State athletics. In that case, the issue of what to do with the student athletes is uncertain. Florida football coach Urban Meyer, when approached with the prospect of having to absorb Ohio State's football team, paused for a moment and said, "I suppose they could be a scout team for our scout team. They really aren't fast enough for anything else."

Finally, there is one other idea University officials have floated, and that is simply to donate Ohio State to charity. "As I understand it, thousands of Hurricane Katrina refuges are still displaced. We could give OSU to the Katrina Relief Fund, and allow people to relocate there," Machen said. "That could be the win-win situation everyone is looking for."

bgsuman · Post by **bgsuman** » Fri Apr 06, 2007 9:30 am

@ 9 points as being "convincing".....

Strouse · Post by **Strouse** » Fri Apr 06, 2007 10:59 am

Well done Hammb. Quite convincing, though there is one more idea to do with the osu campus...break it up and give equal parts to all ohio colleges/universities. Since the university is spread out throughout the state anyway it'd be a nice and easy solution.

guest44 · Post by **guest44** » Fri Apr 06, 2007 11:17 am

Convincing = never being in doubt after the 12 minute media of the 1st half. Those teams could play 20 times. Florida would win 19.

hammb · Post by **hammb** » Fri Apr 06, 2007 11:28 am

Strouse wrote: Well done Hammb. Quite convincing, though there is one more idea to do with the osu campus...break it up and give equal parts to all ohio colleges/universities. Since the university is spread out throughout the state anyway it'd be a nice and easy solution.

I didn't write it...it's from a Florida fan blog...I thought it was pretty funny though

Rightupinthere · Post by **Rightupinthere** » Fri Apr 06, 2007 12:13 pm

Funny! I cracked up at the "donate it" part only because I didn't see it coming.

Very creative and well crafted.

tekekini · Post by **tekekini** » Fri Apr 06, 2007 9:36 pm

that is pretty cute and funny but now it is time to move on. Spring football has started, Greg Oden might be staying (garuntee national title if he does) things are looking up.

Lets go.

Tricky_Falcon · Post by **Tricky_Falcon** » Fri Apr 06, 2007 9:40 pm

tekekini wrote:that is pretty cute and funny but now it is time to move on. Spring football has started, Greg Oden might be staying (garuntee national title if he does) things are looking up.

Lets go.

LOL loser. It's never time to move on. Chomp Chomp...

Bleeding Orange · Post by **Bleeding Orange** » Fri Apr 06, 2007 10:04 pm

Its pretty funny watching front-runners try to rationalize things.

Oh yeah - chomp chomp.

Strouse · Post by **Strouse** » Fri Apr 06, 2007 11:44 pm

tekekini wrote:that is pretty cute and funny but now it is time to move on. Spring football has started, Greg Oden might be staying (garuntee national title if he does) things are looking up.

Lets go.

smell that? yeah...that's the smell of being 'Gator Bait

h2oville rocket · Post by **h2oville rocket** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 12:21 am

tekekini wrote:that is pretty cute and funny but now it is time to move on. Spring football has started, Greg Oden might be staying (garuntee national title if he does) things are looking up.

Lets go.

Greg Oden is playing football? And you believe that will lead to a national title? Nope. Don't think so my little closet Falcon fan.

bgsuman · Post by **bgsuman** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 9:13 am

guest44 wrote:Convincing = never being in doubt after the 12 minute media of the 1st half. Those teams could play 20 times. Florida would win 19.

thanks ms.cleo

guest44 · Post by **guest44** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 9:29 am

your welcome.......and keep telling yourself that OSU had chances to win that game. Difference is your a blowhard, I'm objective.

tekekini · Post by **tekekini** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 1:01 pm

Bleeding Orange wrote:Its pretty funny watching front-runners try to rationalize things.

Oh yeah - chomp chomp.

I don't know what your big deal is, not just you but the other two who keep trying to rub it in?

I have been (and you have to admit) pretty adamant about giving Florida their props, they are the greatest right now. Good for them. I admitted that immediately after the game. But it is true that life does move on. you can not deny that. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Nothing has proven that more than the way recuiting is going for the football Buckeyes, and the way that recruiting is going for the basketball Buckeyes and the way things are starting to sound about Oden returning to the team next year.

Take BG for an example, they have a new BBALL coach now and life is moving on, they survived the end of the Dakich era, and you should be improving (getting stronger).

So go ahead and rub it in. This loss doesn't hurt OSU in anyway and nobody is taking it hard, not like people did in the football game.

You can chomp chomp all you want. Florida had their run and now they will be irrelevant for a while..The only thing that sucked about it was having to Watch Noah act like an idiot.

tekekini · Post by **tekekini** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 1:03 pm

guest44 wrote:your welcome.......and keep telling yourself that OSU had chances to win that game. Difference is your a blowhard, I'm objective.

How did they never have a chance to win? They got to within 6 and Noah was nervous as hell. Ask Noah if he thought we had a chance to win the game. He was praying on the sidelines. He wouldnt take the time to do so if he didnt think there was a chance OSU was going to make another comeback.

difference is we are realistic and you are not.