Non sequitur thread

[ZiggyZoomba]

Think it might rain?

[1987alum]

The landlord is having the grass cut around our building today. I can't imagine why, because it just got cut about three days ago. Maybe he needs something for this guy to do, so he just says, "Hey Fred, go cut the grass by 210 North Main."

Meanwhile, you should see all the trucks lined up at the landfill today. There must be a dozen. I sure hope the wind doesn't start coming in from the east. P-U.

[BGFan]

The parking lot at work is pretty much flooded.

[CapitalFalcon]

I wouldn't trust him with a ten foot pole...

[VDub26Falcon]

couple days late but...

And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free, and I won't forget the men who died to give that right to me and I proudly stand up next to you and defend her still today, cuz there ain't no doubt I love this land, God Bless the USA.

[1987alum]

"Vat does dis do?"

"It sucks in air."

"It's definitely sucking."

[Falcon30]

I cut the bottom of my big toe on something. Now I have a rough flap of skin on the bottom of it. I keep trimming it off, but it keeps peeling further. It hurts, and I wonder how long until I hit bone?

[ZiggyZoomba]

OE Standard Quote Transmittal

[BGorDeath]

Do you want to sponsor our golf outing?

[Redwingtom]

The Hypocritic Oath
I swear an oath on my honor as a hypocrite that ...

I will cuss cows but eat beef, blast miners but wear jewelry and drive a car but condemn oil companies.

I don't want [any] trees cut for any purpose other than to provide the lumber for my next house.

As a Hollywood celebrity I assert my God-given right to sire at least four children by three different wives and then protest about overpopulation in the world.

I will put fish first by saving the sucker and salmon, but not the farmers and ranchers who feed me.

I demand that politicians and federal judges in Washington DC save all endangered species except the small businessman.

I feel government is imminently qualified to micro-manage nature, after all, look what a smashing job they've done with the IRS, EPA, USDA, FBI, BLM and assorted other alphabet agencies.

As a self righteous hypocrite it is my duty to celebrate Earth Day with barbecues and parades and by leaving tons of trash behind.

I demand that feedlots and farms stop polluting our ground water. That privilege shoud be preserved for me every time I flush the contents of my toilet into a septic tank or the ocean.

I want to relocate grizzly bears and wolves to the West but not in my big city backyard. After all, people live here!

I give my permission for mountain lions to eat lambs but if a lion eats my dog or cat I demand that the abominable beast be shot on sight.

I will cuss oil companies on talk radio and stand in the way of their drilling more wells while sitting in my gas guzzling SUV with the engine running.

I will write letters to the editor on my computer castigating utility compnaies for not providing enough electricity.

At the same time I will send money to green groups who what to tear down hydroelectric dams and stand in the way of any new power-producing projects.

I avow at the next cocktail party I attend -- while smoking a cigarette and sipping a martini -- that I will sue the tobacco companies for causing my lung cancer.

Although I have never personally milked a cow or grown vegetables in a garden I demand to have a say on how farmers and ranchers do it.

As a pompous hypocrite I demand that water, herbicides, and pesticides be taken away from farmers immediately, but I don't want it to effect the price quantity or quality of the food I buy in the store.

It is my strongly held conviction that we should ban all pesticides, except the can of bug spray I use to kill ants and other unwanted bugs in my home.

As a mealy-mouthed hypocrite I vow to help stop global warming by watching the Discovery Channel on my giant sized television in my air conditioned house.

I assert that cattle pooping on our nation's grasslands is a national disgrace while fertilizing my urban lawn with steer manure and urea is simply good ecology.

I will complain about fertilizer runoff from golf courses because I happen to be a golfer.

I will hound hunters in the woods because they use guns despite the fact that hunting groups have increased habitat and wildlife numbers.

I demand that the government end all timber cutting or recovery in our national forests but I'll cry like a singed coyote if the feds allow wildfires to burn near my house.

As a card carrying hypocrite I disavow the use of fur, leather, wool and all animal by-products, except the ones used in medicine that might save my life.

I demand that labels be placed on all food products but not on a rock album that endorses killing cops.

Finally, as an arrogant and self-serving hypocrite I firmly believe that rural folks have done a terrible job of taking care of the countryside and they must do a better job because that's where I want to live or visit some day when I can escape the pollution, crime, and insanity of the barren big city in which I currently reside.

[TG1996]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_yg_e9mTks

[Peregrinner]

A miracle's a miracle, even when it's ordinary.

[1987alum]

[SaxyIrishTenor]

Ouch, Charlie! That hurts!

[Redwingtom]